Goodbye Ben...

I'm trying my best to just keep looking forward... But im still holding back. Ben uh ben, what have you done to my head??? i keep thinking about the things you've said, like how you once promised to protect me because you want to? Or the promise to be there for me. Or the simple promise that you won't walk out on me without telling me, like what sly did. What happened to them all? I guess, a part of me still bears a insignificant, but still existing ray of hope that you'd keep to your word. But when you stopped replying even to a thank you, i guess it means i don't mean anything to you anymore. I feel stupid because till today, you still affect me more than you can ever imagine. Remember at the bridge at clarke quay? Where you kissed my forehead and told me you want me to remember you by this? I wished you didn't say it. Because now, it hurts more than ever just thinking of it. And when we were at vivo and you hugged me and said im your little eyes? And all the late night phonecalls every night. And when you look into my eyes. These moments.. They were once glue that put us together. Well. It sucks that they have transformed to become lies and pieces of nightmare that comes back haunting me once in a while. I know those are all in the past and you've probably moved on.. And though i am reluctant, i know i will walk out of these bullshit one day. But it will, nonetheless, play a significant part in my growing up years. I never dared blog so extensively. But if im going to walk on, i think i need to open up and face what i fear most - taking these memories by the horns and yank it aside. It'll take me a while before i can stop checking your fb to see what kind of life you're leading, if you're attached or adding new girls.. Its gonna be a while before i will stop feeling that familiar funny sensation that runs down my spine everytime i see you come online and not talking to me. Despite offering your friendship? Well.. If you chose to be strangers, then we shall be that then.. Goodbye ben. I've been so into you and the mess you left in my life that i haven't had time to attend to my own life.. Its time i rework my life. its time i clean up the mess and walk again now that i've re-written our memories. Perhaps, someday, our paths will cross again. But when that day comes.. We'll see. So long..