As cliche as this blogpost is going to sound.. they always say that the most unromantic people tend to be the most romantic people. The attempt to be romantic is always in itself, romantic. i dont know what im thinking when i used to say nei was unromantic! ahaha.. he is romantic in his way. now, every monday is date night. he would have to wear civillian clothes.. cus if not.. like in the past.. whenever we dated in his uniform, we keep worrying about being stomped and refuse to hold each other's hands until we are in the cinema. lol! well, anyway.. only 3 more days to our first month. wtf? 30 days together already? thats really fast! and everyday is a bliss. i swear, every single day.. i wake up.. though work is boring and there isn't much going on in our lives.. i feel enough. however, i am slowly getting used to this life. having someone there when i need him. someone to carry my heavy plastic bag.. someone with a strong shoulder for me to lean on ... sigh!
to be honest, this is what im afraid of. being too dependent. then in the end, losing this dependency. sigh! i really hope i'd never regret being this dependent on him.. and i kinda know, it will never be a regret. (:
i was watching this tv show on sunday morning with the girls and it was about this husband and wife where the husband had a stroke and the wife had to work, take care of the husband and the kids. i wonder.. would i still be able to love him as much if he isn't able to give? i mean, right now.. we still can cuddle, make merry, love each other in explicit ways.. but what if one day, we're unable to express our love? like the husband who can't even call out his wife's name for 3 years. would i be able to handle it? though we're very close now.. perhaps initially, it would be okay. but down the road..? in a relationship where one party just keeps giving .. hmm.. i wonder if its able to sustain? i mean, u might think im horrible because im supposed to love him no matter what. but the thing is.. we have to pragmatic. already, with him loving me explicitly.. working alone can be tiring even though at this stage, my kind of workload is just the cherry on the top of the gigantic 50 tier cake.. i cant imagine a life where i'd be working at full force and yet, go home to still keep giving...
a very classic and relevant example would be.. every morning at the bus stop where i take the bus to work, i'd meet this blind guy who would be taking 33. and beside him, i always see his wife holding his hand, then waiting for the bus to stop, board the bus.. sometimes.. when she is probably busy.. she would instruct the uncle to inform him when his stop is up. and the bus uncles i've met have always been very very friendly and considerate. haha! i dont know.. but she must be a very strong woman. it is because of her that he is able to function. the clothes on his body, the backpack he carries etc.. are all probably prepared by her on a daily basis. but every morning, i'd still see her cheerfully chatting with him as they wait for the bus.
but well. i think i would. which is why.. i guess its important to treasure the present. because the future is truly truly unpredictable. at least, accumulate as much memories as i can before anything changes. i mean, just last week, nei was saying he has big plans for our first month on Friday. and yesterday.. he told me he has to go for some army run which is compulsory. so it might be cancelled, postponed or begin very late. and i was looking forward to it all week last week. but well.. he said he would try to take leave.. but the chances are.. its probably not gonna be approved. so well. anyway, like i told him.. as much as our anniversary celebration is important.. i feel its not much of a loss if we dont celebrate it if we can't. whats most important.. is the relationship. i mean, whats the point of 99 roses when the giver doesn't feel the signifance of the gift? i rather he'd be there for me everyday than to go all out and celebrate that special day. of course, fingers crossed. really hope we can get to celebrate it properly. haha. to me, the wedding isn't important. as long as i can share the joy with the people i wanna share with.. im happy. the marriage, on the other hand, is far too important. in fact, like nei said, he feels that we're like a married couple.. only not married on paper. haha! that boy ar... (:
okay. gonna get back to work. thanks, fate/god.. for everything. thank you.
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