The beginning is always the hardest..

To be very honest, the word "boyfriend", "love", "relationship" or basically any keywords relating to romance has been very very sensitive to my ears and eyes. when i see/ hear them, it sends shivers down my spine. and its not very pleasant. especially these few weeks when everything has happened. because it just feels like its something that will never happen to me. and when you see something you cannot get, you tend to feel the pinch. and i do. i am, afterall only human. if you noticed, in my new year's resolution 2011, i stated that i want my heart unwavered this year. its only january 8 2011. so i really do have a long way to go. i don't want a relationship this year. well, i want. but i won't allow myself to. because i guess i need to let my heart rest after all the drama in the past 2 years. yes, i will feel lonely. and yes, ben is probably gonna get hitched way before i do and i might find it hard to swallow. and the people around me may get hitched and i will remain single. i will survive this. i will.

to pat myself on the back, i really could be attached if i gave brandon *gulps* or benny *gulpss* a chance... just let me stroke my ego a little la, hahaha. so, at least i have my backbone. but anyway, i doubt anyone's gonna ask me out this year already la, since i've gained weight and am rather unglam and un-gentle. SIGH! shall concentrate on building this year with my close friends and family. and perhaps, loads of knowledge and achievements. and hopefully, london.. *eyes glimmers*.

I CAN DO IT! YES I CAN!