Ashamed. Remorseful. Pathetic.

I was msn-ing with wint, my myanmar friend. she was telling me about her problems back home where she's worried about her sister having to serve the army and how she's worried she cannot go back home or call back home due to the political instability. and here i am, sulking because i am living too blissfully and unaware of how blessed i am! in this home where im financially stable. in this home where i have adequate privacy to myself. i have this life where i worry because i feel my social life is dwindling? but i have friends who care! no, i don't have a fucking boyfriend but at least i've tried to see how it felt to be a princess? how? why? how am i even complaining? ohmygod. what kind of selfish, ignorant fool i am to be complaining about my life when i'm given this opportunity to go through uni when many would have given up what they had to just be in my shoes. i have been stupid. blinded by the fucking superficiality of life. how can i be so fucking shallow? really? my nation is safe and secure. what the fuck am i complaining about? i should treasure my life.

i was at funan today with martin when i saw this man with a big tumour on the side of his face. and he just sat on the chair.. looking so despair. i'm there, walking and laughing with martin low. how is it possible i can even have anything to complain about my life? why? how?? what rights do i have? i am just plain lazy. not wanting to step out of my comfort zone. other people .. to them, this is the most superficial of problems. they have bigger issues.. they face problems of survivability. they face problems that involves the safety of their loved ones. i get to see my family everyday and sometimes i complain. i get to see my friends on a weekly basis. and i complain that my social circle is dwindling. why? what the fuck is wrong with me! ohmygosh. i am so childish and naive. i am so fucking childish and naive. really. there are probably people looking at me, looking at my life and say, "i could lead a better life than you given the same resources". its like audrey hepburn telling the rich woman on breakfast at tiffany's. she said, "i could be richer with the money she had".

sigh. i am going to stop complaining and start living my life. honestly.. how the fuck could i have been so bloody ignorant? im ashamed. very very ashamed.